bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
