My boss' voice literally gives me gas
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
