I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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