Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
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