It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
