Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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