You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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