i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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