i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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