put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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