# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
