it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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