3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
