Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
