so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Did you pee in the oven last night??
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize
