you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
drinking out of a sandbucket again
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
