hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
