Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
