I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
