i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
