Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
im six kinds of drunk right now
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
sex in a hospital.. check
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
