he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
