You're so nebulous sometimes
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
