The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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