I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
