And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
