They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
