you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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