I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
