My girlfriend figured out who you are.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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