In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize