A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
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