my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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