No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
