so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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