I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
