don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
