it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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