the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
