I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
