i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
