Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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