You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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