I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
