No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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