its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
