I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
We don't watch enough power rangers
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Holy sore nipples Batman
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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