a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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