he thought i was a dude.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
