i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
