i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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