I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
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