Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
