Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
