You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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