shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
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I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
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It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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