The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
