I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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