it's like iHOP with fire
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
