Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
