I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize