Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
