I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
