My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize