Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
