On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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