There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
