i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
