porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
