he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
