Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
