how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
