Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
